The Real Story
My Story
The lights in the Olympic Games press briefing room were blazing. It may have been 2 degrees below Celsius outside, but in here it had to be breaking 20. Robert Lefleur, the Canadian Olympic Association chair person was about to make a big address to the press. He had his staff send out an email to both the international press and the more hostile Canadian press this morning, and now at 2 o'clock in the afternoon Pacific time they had gathered and camera and microphones were in place to capture his every word.
He had an important announcement to make. There were only a few days left in these Olympic games in Vancouver, Canada, and Canada's big push to win the most medals of any country were seriously in trouble. The Canadian Olympic Committee had spent an estimated $117 million dollars developing its athletic programs to produce more medal winning athletes than ever before. But the totals were falling short as the Olympics were winding down. So far Canada had only won 10 medals, tied for fourth, a distant total compared to the United States with its 24 medals and Germany with its 22.
One hundred seventeen million dollars for 9 medals was not a good ratio, almost $12 million dollars per medal, a horrendous payout. The Canadians had done so well at the last Olympics in Torino, Italy, winning 24. They were convinced that with a huge push they could double that number. But somewhere they had fallen short. Many reasons were given - too much pressure on the athletes, a warm winter in British Vancouver (meaning soft snow and soft ice). The athletes of other countries were having fun and Canadians who were a party hardy crew were not.
Robert was tired of all the finger pointing and accusations of mismanagement. All he knew was this would require some desperate measures to help salvage Canada's 'Own the Podium' program, as they had called this home soil Olympics medal push. He had even been told one of the faults might be the national character of Canadians. They were just too polite and hospitable and were allowing other countries to win. That was just plain wrong. Especially in ice hockey. Canadians should be beating the crap out of the other countries. Though in international play fighting in ice hockey was severely prohibited. Who the hell came up with that idea?
Well, Canadians were not a bunch of pussies or dumb Canucks like some people were intimating. Here in front of a press hungry for information, he would announce several last minute measures to increase Canada's medal totals in the final days. He had his staff spend all night locked in a conference room to come up with these last second measures that they guaranteed would work, whether they be rewards, incentives, curfews, whatever. He hadn't seen them yet, but they better be good, or heads would roll.
"Good afternoon. I have a short announcement." He looked down at the paper. "The Canadian Olympic Authority is proud to announce new measures to help Canada regain prominence and achieve its Own the Podium program. Number 1. Canada has negotiated with the vendor, Aaron Furniture & Construction, and the Olympic Medals Podium will no longer be leased but will be purchased outright for $$20,000. Canada now officially OWNS the podium."
He paused, staring at the paper. What the hell had he just read? In the laughter that ensued, he now knew how those baby seals felt.
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