Greeks Almost Protest

The Real Story http://beta.thehindu.com/news/international/article113032.ece

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It was estimated that 50,000 Greeks would have participated in today's protests against the government, had there been bus and train service to take the protesters to the downtown Athens location that had been the planned site for the protest. Concerned authorities voiced their apprehensions saying there was not enough money in the budget to pay for police to meet the protestors, but they hoped a strongly worded statement might prevent any violence or bloodshed, if they could find a news outlet to print or broadcast their comments, but none did as they could not afford to send reporters to the news conference that did not take place.

Greeks planned to protest the austerity program that the government had announced late last week, though no one had read it as the government printing office had no more paper, and even electronic copies did not go out due to their Internet Service Provider for the national government turning off access due to non-payment of bills. Though no one knew the specifics of the budget plan, it was assumed that major non-existent government programs would be cut even more.

"This is ridiculous," said Alexander Dimitrious, a small business owner selling pirated DVD copies of the new Alice in Wonderland movie that had not yet been released. "The government complains they don't have enough revenue because no one pays their taxes, yet they don't complain when I pay them bribes to not bother me about my tax bills. Those bribes are tax free, and you don't see them paying taxes on those gratuities, do you?"

The mayor of Athens, who couldn't be contacted since his phone was out of service, is reported to have said that over 500,000 Greeks in the capital were idle and not working due to the general strikes hitting the city. "This is actually an improvement over when they are working, since most usually call in sick and go to the beach, so someone must be doing something though I'm not sure exactly what." The quote unfortunately could not be confirmed.

Other European countries are anxiously watching the events in Greece where debt has gone so high that Greeks pride themselves on how much they owe on credit card bills. One Greek man, who remained unidentified since we refused to give him ten dollars for his name, said, "Bah, the Americans think they have a multi-trillion dollar deficit? Hmph, my brother Mikolos owes the Third National Bank of Albania 3 gazillion lira." When told Italian Lira was no longer a valid currency, having been replaced by the Euro, he covered his mouth and grinned, saying, "Don't tell Mikolos that! He still owes me for that sheep of mine he bought on credit."

Greek authorities hope the general population will eventually calm down and come to recognize the need for the austerity measures. New plans to increase revenue include a $50,000 per person entrance fee to the Parthenon for foreign tourists, a new web site where for $5.00 the Delphi Oracle will tell you your fortune and next week's winning lottery number, and a new personal property tax on anything made of precious metals that sports the five Olympic Rings.

It has also been reported in the press that the American banking giant Goldman Sachs has been implicated in selling toxic assets to the Greek government and then short selling derivatives against the performance of the Greek economy, but economist Gregoi Mikapolous who was using a free trial version of American Online responded with an email saying, "Bah, the only toxic assets we own are the Turkish janitors who clean our bathrooms, because frankly, despite the high unemployment, there are simply some jobs Greeks will not do." When asked for his projections of how Greece will fare in this economic crisis, especially in light of the economic meltdown last year in Iceland, Mikapolous offered this assessment, "I am not worried. As long as we have our goats and our cheese, we go by a creed of three simple words, 'THIS IS SPARTA!'"