Man accused of having 23 wives

"Jerusalem (CNN) -- An Israeli man accused of having 23 wives and fathering 59 children was charged Sunday in a Tel Aviv court with multiple counts of sexual assault, rape, sodomy and enslavement."

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He probably could have gotten away with it, but it was Hallmark in the end that ended his wayward ways. Many people swear that Valentines Day is nothing but a Hallmark holiday. The Hallmark people point the finger at the florist industry, saying they cooked the holiday up as a way to sell roses and flowers. And Hallmark was just tagging along. But in the end, it didn't matter. Goel Ratzon had married one wive too many.

Though he ran a cult where he married many wives, fathered many children, and had total control over his subjects, his latest wife, Rosa Schleiermacher, was, well, a little different.

"Goel, honey, tomorrow is Valentine's Day. What are you getting me?"

"Getting you? For Christ's sake Rosa, if I got you something, I'd have to get the other 22 something as well. That would bankrupt me in no time. The 23 of you combined don't bring in enough to barely make the car payments on my Mercedes Benz."

"But Goel darling, you swore I was different, I was the latest and best. Look, if you get me something, I swear I'll do something extra special tonight."

"Oh Rosa, please, I don't have enough energy to take care of you and the 22 others. Cialis or no Cialis, even the doctor says erections lasting more than 4 hours are bad for you. That last one lasted a week, and I had to get the whole family involved."

"Goel, you're going to make me cry. You said you were God, and I thought God could do anything."

"Ok, ok already, stop with the tears, I'll get you something."

"Oh Goel, you're the best!"

Later that day Goel Ratzon visited the local Hallmark store, where when he saw Valentines Day cards were retailing for 20 shekels (ed. note, 1 Israeli shekel = 0.265887 U.S. dollars). "What!" he declared, "that's highway robbery! And these poems aren't even very good. Look at this one,

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I only bought one card
but Valentines I have TWO!!!

Two? I have twenty-three! And this one...

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Open your legs
Im coming through....

Hmm, that's actually not half bad."

And that was when Goel got into trouble. The store security cameras caught him stuffing twenty-three of these cards into his pants, and when he was apprehended and questioned by police, the rest, as they say, is history.

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