Just Call Mom

"Hi Mom."

"Who is this?"

"It's your son."

"Who?"

"Lamar."

"Lamar who?"

"Lamar McKay, mom, same last name as you."

"Lamar McKay? He doesn't live here anymore."

"Ok, Mom, cut it out, it's me."

"I haven't heard from him since he became president of BP America."

"Mom."

"He wanted to grow up to be president of the United States. But I never knew it would be of an oil company. And now I can't even get a gas credit card for BP, much less a phone call from my son on Mother's Day. No, I have no idea where he is."

"C'mon Mom, cut it out. I've had a long day."

"Oh, and was it any longer than I had sitting by the phone waiting for a call from her son on Mother's Day?"

"Mom, I'm sorry, I had to go to Washington to testify in front of Congress about the oil leak in the Gulf."

"Oh, so after changing a thousand leaky diapers, you grow up and have leaks of your own? How ironic."

"Mom, it's not our fault. The oil rig is operated by someone else, and it had been recently worked on by the Haliburton people, the same ones that screwed up in Iraq? They probably screwed up again, caused the explosion. But we own the oil, so we'll pay for it all."

"Oh, so you won't admit to do something wrong, and always blame someone else. My son didn't call me on Mother's day because Halibutton broke your pipe and you had to go to Washington. And I suppose you couldn't say in front of all those cameras, Hi Mom, Happy Mother's Day?"

"Mom, I couldn't do that. That would not have been cool. So many people are demonizing us. All those bird lovers and shrimp catchers are blaming us for all the oil. Heck, I'm losing $100 million dollars of profit everyday getting spilled into the Gulf. You don't hear anyone saying they feel sorry for me."

"So is this what this phone call is about? You want someone to feel sorry for you?"

"Well, no Mom. I'm just- just saying- that- well, yeah, actually that is why I called. Everyone is just yelling at me. Congressman and environmentalists and fishermen and those snitty British Corporate heads at BP London. I've had a bad day."

"Oh Lamar, I am so sorry. You should come home and I'll make you a nice bowl of chicken noodle soup."

"Yeah, that sounds good Mom. It's so nice to hear your voice."

"I'd make you a bowl of shrimp gumbo, your favorite, but they say gulf shrimp aren't safe to eat right now. I don't know why."

"Nevermind Mom. Chicken soup is just fine."

"My poor baby."

***

Inspired by:

"(Reuters) - The device designed to cut the oil flow after BP's oil rig exploded was faulty, the head of a congressional committee said on Wednesday as executives in the unfolding Gulf of Mexico disaster were lambasted over shoddy practices in the second day of hearings.

And:

"A phone call from your mother can help calm you down after a stressful event and regulate your hormone levels, according to a study on human relationships, Agence-France Presse reported."